Friday, January 06, 2006

The Dating Life Chapter 2: Fun

As I make my way through this thing called blogging, I hope to become a better writer and communicator, so please bear with my posts. They’ll be long, but I hope they’ll be full of pertinent information. Now on to Chapter 2 of the Dating Life: Fun

FUN

If you’re having trouble trying to figure out what women want, try logging on to a personals site and start reading profiles. This is a free look into the woman’s mind. Read as many as you can tolerate. You’ll start to notice that most of them read the same. Among other similarities, a woman wants someone that is fun. Everyone is bored, even she is, your potential date for the evening. If you can get this idea into your head and base your dates on avoiding boredom, you’ll be in good shape. Plan dates that are fun, especially in the beginning. I'll post more about fun dates later. The next idea is more important. The idea of being funny; actually, you should be “cocky and funny”.

Cocky & Funny

When you first see a woman that you are attracted to, you want to talk to her and try to create attraction from the beginning. If you’re a good looking guy, chances are she’s already attracted to you, but things can change drastically the minute you open your mouth and start to talk. If you’re an average guy you have to use personality to spark attraction. One way to spark attraction is to be cocky and funny. This term was coined by David Deangelo. Basically you want to mix a little arrogance with a little humor. I can literally spend all day on this topic, but Mr. Deangelo has already done this. Check his stuff out. To give you an example of cocky and funny: You see a woman with high heels on and she’s looking good. You walk up to her and say, “I like your shoes….what are you like 4 feet talk with out them?” You’re probably not rolling on the floor with laugher and not all women would find this funny, but women will laugh at things that men won't. You also have to NOT act like all the other guys that walk up to this woman, especially if she’s attractive. She has guys walking up to her all night probably saying that she has nice shoes and then asking where she got them or how much they cost. They are constantly complimenting her, buying her drinks and kissing her ass. Boring. You started with a compliment then followed with an amusing insult. Maybe give a half-smile after saying it to confirm that you are kidding, but please, PLEASE do not say, “Oh, I was just kidding”, or start to laugh at yourself and your own jokes. That means your seeking her approval, and once that starts you can kiss you chances goodbye. So instead of complimenting her, bust her balls using cocky comedy.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Personal Experience: I've never been in this situation before

I'd figured I'd sprinkle in some personal experiences while I write The Dating Life chapters.

I have a situation that I've never been in before. I'm seeing more than one girl at the same time. This is new territory for me and it's presenting quite a challenge. The problem is that I have limited time because I do a lot of different things, work and play related. So I've been seeing one girl for about 3 weeks, the steward, I'll call her. I'll get into how I met her in a later post because I think it will support some of the Dating Life chapters. We've only made out a few times. She lives near me. Then there is the lawyer. We've gone out once. I met her in a bar in the city. She actually lives in the city (NYC). Then there is the kitty surgeon. I have yet to meet her. This is a blind date thing set up by my sister in law. She lives in the city (NYC) as well. So my goal was to see all them this weekend, somehow. This of course meant I had to prioritize while being efficient and not interfere with the Giants game on Sunday.

There is also something that I really want to do on Friday, independent of meeting/seeing these two girls. Since the lawyer and kitty surgeon both live in the city, I wanted to see them on the same day; Friday. Since I've never actually met the kitty surgeon, I could probably just do a meet and greet with her at a bar for a few little while and then go meet up with the lawyer later on at this event I want to go to. But they both know about the event I really wanted to go. The kitty surgeon was really interested in this event. I had also actually made plans with the lawyer but never confirmed to attend this event as well. I have not been feeling well and I told the lawyer that I might not come in, but that's because I really wanted to me the kitty surgeon. However, I really want to hang out with the lawyer too. Confused? I think I am too. I had also asked the steward to hang out on Friday; however she kind of balked at first claiming she may have plans on Friday. So I said forget it let's go out Saturday. But here's something interesting, she then came back to me suddenly saying that she could hang out either night. Well frankly I have so much going on that I have to make solid plans as soon as I can so I pushed her off to Saturday. Just so you know, the steward is my top priority right now for many reasons, but I’m not going to let her hold me up with anything else. And this is lesson number 1: Do not let a woman keep you from doing things that you want to do. One thing I realized is that I felt the need to keep a woman no matter what. So I would constantly work around their schedule, not mine. I won’t do that anymore. It makes you look needy. By not working around their schedule it makes you look independent which is more attractive to a woman. So on Friday, I am going to this event either with one of the girls, or by myself (Although friends plan to meet me.).

Anyway, I’m not sure what I’m going to do but I think I came up with a solution.

I will meet with the kitty surgeon earlier in the evening, and then meet up with the lawyer at the event I really want to go to. Oh, did I mention that my sister and law will be at this event as well? She set me up with the kitty surgeon, so it should be curious how this plays out. I’m not really all that concerned about it though because in a way it may make me more attractive if it gets back to the kitty surgeon that I brought another girl. But I may just tell the kitty surgeon that I had actually made plans with someone else. I’m thinking that the truth is much better. If she still wants to meet for little bit great, if not, no skin off my back. There are plenty of others. I’ll let you know how this pans out.

The Dating Life Chapter 1

ATTRACTION

This is the building block for any relationship. Some may call it chemistry, some may call it that "spark", either way there has to be something there between two people for it go any further and that is called attraction. To break it down to its simplest form, do you want to sleep with that person or not. This is a result of thousands of years of genetic code that is ingrained with in every one of us. You see it on the Discovery Channel everyday. However because we have a logical brain, the ability to reason, religion and so forth, this instinct is buried beneath all of this. It usually resides in the subconscious, which by the way is continually communicates with everyone around you, you just don’t know it. Some women are attracted to looks; some are attracted to money and power, etc. Actually women have their own attraction criteria, but this is usually just from a visual sense. For example, “that guy is hot” or “look at that guy in the Mercedes”. In some form or another, the woman is attracted to this person before they even talk. They’ve already decided that they would sleep with this person before a word has been spoken. These guys have accomplished this by projecting higher status by looks or material possessions. But for us average guys that aren’t “hot” or “rich”, how do we make ourselves attractive?

Attraction can be created in many different ways, but for average guys, first and foremost it can be created through body language. A confident stance and eye contact are some examples. So one thing to get down pat is your posture and practice making eye contact with everyone you see. Not like a stalker, or, I want to cut you into little pieces and stuff them in my fridge eye contact, but a look that says, I see something that I'm interested in. I'm sure you've heard that communication is like 90% physical and 10% oral, or something like that. Well it's true, especially with women. There are a whole lot of other ways to make you attractive, but start with these 2 first. These are easy. Perhaps the most important element to creating attraction is status. Do you have or present higher status than others? Some can do it through a position in society or how much money they have, or how good they look. Basically you have to present yourself as being better than them. It sounds arrogant, and it is, but if can offset that arrogance with humor, then you have a magical combination. (More on that later). For average guys like me, we have to do this with a “solid inner game.” See David Deangelo's series on this. To summarize “inner game” it really has to do with your self confidence. Another way to put it is being comfortable in your own skin. Please keep in mind that this is not easy and I often struggle with this every day, however, once you have that put together you can do just about anything. Other ways to make you more attractive are all a result of having self confidence. Wear what you want, look how you want, as long as you’re confident about it, you’re golden. Of course practice proper hygiene as well. Smelling funky and having yellow teeth is a bit of turn-off. I think you get what I’m saying though.

To summarize, I think attraction is the basis for any type of relationship. Attraction can be based on looks and money, but most important it’s status. You can project higher status through self-confidence, arrogance and humor.

The Dating Life Intro

Ok folks, yet another blogger writing about the dating scene. I've read a number of them and frankly I wasn't satisfied about the information that was provided, so I'm going to start my own series of posts. And this is the perfect time. I had taken some time off after a recent break-up. I realized that I needed to change my approach. Explore new avenues and even do some self-improvement.

Some background first:

I guess I'm the kind of guy that likes to be in a relationship. What ever deep seeded reason there is for this, it doesn't really matter. That’s what I generally want. So when I meet some I like, I tend to go a bit overboard. I go out of my way to show them that I'm the nice guy and would do things for them and kiss ass. Basically a wuss bag of sorts. Some times this works, and I've had relationships for about year, but that's as long as they last. Women are an interesting breed and perhaps not as mythic as most men think. I say this because it's usually a man's insecurities that prevent them from getting what they want. In any event, my neediness came across and women can pick up on this, subconsciously but mostly consciously. I used to think I knew what women want, but I realized that there was more to it.

Before I get into my own personal experiences with dating, I want to give some information I learned over the last few months, through reading and listening. Most of this information I got from a gentleman by the name of David Deangelo. Just search in Google and you can find out all about him. Every male should be reading his material. Period. I’ve done a ton of listening and reading and now it’s time to get out there a start using all this information. This will be the main crux of my blog. Basically me going out and trying to use all that I’ve learned and the results they produce. I’ll give a lessons learned as well, so I, and maybe you, won’t make the same mistakes.

I think I’ll start by giving the basics

What is that women want?
  • Attraction
  • Fun
  • Leader
Because I have a lot to write about these topics, I’ll break it up into parts or chapters if you will.